Saturn returns inevitably

Golden Gate, hello!

San Francisco from the Golden Gate Bridge.

Mighty beams

Cute lamp posts

Ah, near sailboat collision!

Goodies from abroad

So it's happened. My birthday has arrived and I'm now 28-years-old. Ok, I know that 28 is by no means old, but it is also--in my mind--by no means young. It's signaling to me a point of no return to the heedless twenties, which I gladly leave behind but no longer have the right to claim. When you're in your twenties you get to make mistakes, or can anyway, without too much thought to consequences. You have resources at your disposal plus plenty of energy and pluck. And most of all, you have time to try things and figure them out. You can be a bit naive to the fact that your actions and decisions have consquences. I think hitting my 30s will also mean never being able to make a decision without some cost/benefit analysis. Ha, as if I couldn't be any more inhibited by thought of potential failures... But all depressive stewing aside, I admit that every year of my life has been better than the previous year. I know myself a little better and own myself more. I learn to admit and forgive my faults more and, god willing, become better at doing the same with the "faults" I see in others. To like where I am is to look forward to where I am going to be. A place with bright windows, amazing potential, and nice hair.

The pictures are from a jaunt across the Golden Gate Bridge and back, something I've always wanted to do since moving here. To celebrate my unavoidable step towards adulthood, or something.

My eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the trees...

Ooo, pretty river.

General Grant tree. Ulysses!

Bluebonnets in California

Bambis!

The Sierras are gorgeous. For reals.

Ooo, I liked this creepy tree.

General Sherman! The biggest tree in the world...by volume.

Ahh, you are so cute, Mr. Chipmunk, let me squeeze you!

Shermie's former name was Carl Marx. Interesting.

He's so big he dwarfs the other arbols.

Beautiful view of the Sierras.

The visitor center Critter Talk about ladybugs. There are 400 species in the world and the park has 11. That little boy was ridiculously cute.

Mighty mighty Sequoia

Booker T! Now we need an Obama tree.

An interesting rock message left on a trail. What does it mean...

Ah, the forests were absolutely glorious.

Ok, I know--wrong war, but still patriotic. I spent the fourth on a camping trip friends and new acquaintances in Kings Canyon and Sequoia National Park. It was a good 4-hour drive to get there from Oakland via Fresno. I had never been to the Sierra Mountains. So much beauty in the valleys and rivers. It was also great to be out camping again, though sleeping on the ground doesn't seem to get easier, and I seriously think I got bruises on my hips from trying to sleep on my sides. The trees were gorgeous and enourmous; the tourists were from all over the world; the creek water was toe-freezing cold. The temperature, though, was just perfect. The days were warm but not witheringly hot. The forests were cool on our hikes. One night, we had started a hike late and ended up driving back to our campsite as the sun set and a full moon emerged. We got to enjoy a glorious view of the mountain valley bathed in silver moonlight. Now, that is something. Taking a shower on the second day, was amazing too. Yeah, sleeping in filth with the stench of my own neck wafting back at me constantly in my sleeping bag is not my idea of living life to the max, if you know what I mean. When we were trying to leave, though, the road was closed due to a forest fire. I was worried we'd have to stay another day, but thankfully it got under control and we were able to take off in the late afternoon. It was such a great feeling to be camping again. But for real, I am no wilderness chick. My idea of camping involves a car and flushing toilets. Excellent.

Summertime, and it's all about mini adventures...

I am loving these long summer days, sunny evenings, and (sometimes) warm days. I think, too, that I want to use this summer to enjoy living. I love my packed weekends and leisurely strolls home through Chinatown. Even work has been very light, as I started my new job in adoptions and I have very few cases--though I'm starting to see that the work itself is so much less intense and demanding as being a worker with court dependent kids was. Some adventures I've had so far include the following:

- A weekend trip to the Russian river. 9 people in a cabin. That's kinda a lot of people. But wonderful time kayaking down the river and swimming in it. The water was cool on a hot day. The first time I've tried out wearing a bikini. Excellent!
- I went to my first taiko drumming class. It was super intense and disciplined, but I loved that about it. I haven't done anything musical for years since playing the cello in high school and I really miss it. It was thrilling to learn songs and beats and just what position to stand and how to hold the bachi (drum sticks). One mini contention I have is with one of the classmates. The instructor kept complimenting me on how well I was doing for my first time. I think an older student, aka white lady, got miffed at it and said to the class that it was because taiko is in my blood. Hello, white lady! I'm not Japanese. And even if I was it does mean I'm genetically encoded to play taiko drums. Please, white lady, keep your ignorant assumptions and delicate ego to yourself.
- Stern Grove Music Festival in San Francisco, a free fest on the weekends in a SF park. Saw La Nubians and much enjoyed the music. And now get to enjoy sunburns on my shoulders and chest. You aren't really out there in the summertime unless you get a nice ichy, red reminder of it.
- SF Pride. I didn't actually spend too much time at pride, but did get to see the streams of people packing the trains to get there. Tight shirts, mini shorts, bondage gear, speedos. Damn, just one step short of nudity.
- Oh, which reminds me, I was enjoying a fancy meal at a waterfront restraunt on a Dine In special, where fancy restraunts had fixed menus for fixed prices to encourage attendance in fancier places. And sitting in the patio on by the pier, my friend and I got a lovely view of a pack of naked bikers streaming by. Ah bay area, you never fail to provide regular doses of naked flesh.

Dora dan Diego

Oh, funny things I wanted to also mention from Malaysia:

1. I saw on a school a picture of Dora and Diego made to look Chinese in black hair, and dressed the white shirt and light blue bottom school uniform. Wow, those kids are more popular than Sponge Bob.

2. On the flight to Kuching from Singapore the flight attendant announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, we have arrived in Kuching International Airport." Are we at carnival or something?

3. I did see swastikas decorating a Buddhist temple. Ok. But then I also saw a teenager with a red t-shirt that had a black swastika in the middle of a white circle. Um, girl, Nazi fashion is not cute.

4. We went to a restaurant that made the popular Singapore chicken rice and also featured tian ji. I was like, field chicken? My mom explained that it was frog. Chicken of the rice patty! It did taste like chicken too.

Selamat Datang! Welcome to Malaysia

a pretty pond in the part o commemorate Chinese settlers on Sibu

ooo, I want to be "Junaidi Man Apin igat Mit"

graves of the original Chinese settlers

my uncle's library, from where i got books to read my whole trip

ah, the best of desserts

rocky. bumpy path

Bye bye!

Civic center, home to the history of Sibu settlement

Hornbill at grandma's house

Ah, the Rajang River, nicely browned with the topsoil of the rainforest being rapidly deforested for some fat cats. Nice.

the Chinese pagoda

Ananas!

Our megaplane home for way too many days. No more planes for a year please...

fresh fish market, shrimpies!

gosh, i can't find anything to eat in Malaysia...

Adios, Malaysia!

It's been about two weeks since I've been back from my trip to Malaysia, but I feel like even a perfunctory posting is in order. Let's see...I'll have to peruse my trip journal, which I was less than assiduous about keeping. It seems I don't muster the same intense frustration with life than I did when I was younger that hungered for any outlet. Or at least the frustration is different, and maybe less intense.

Ah, so the following things I had to stretch myself to be zen about:
- Taking care of my older sister. I stayed in a room with her and took over responsibilities of bathing her and getting her ready for bed, encouraging her to do things. I stressed myself out over her, more than anything. Still working on a balance of guilt over not being around much and difficulty communicating. And the frustration I feel that there are certain things she will not be able to learn how to do or say independently, and understanding what she is capable of cognitively and developmentally. And the weird projection that makes me wonder if I am capable of parenting a child--for which, I'm thankful to all my friends who remind me that being a parent and being a sister are two very different things.

- Realizing that I chose to enter on a family vacation, not an adventure travel tour. I tend to get frustrated when I'm on trips with my family because they are not into sightseeing. But I had to step back a bit and appreciate the trip for what it was, a trip home to see family and reconnect with the people who make me who I am. Once I wrapped my head around the fact that we weren't going to see orangutans or rain forests, I started to enjoy seeing my grandmother, uncles, aunts, and cousins. And still my mom tells me little bits and stories about our family history from our family history book. What strikes me, though, is that our family history--both my mom and dad's families--will not keep records of my generation or after because my sisters and I are all girls. We will neither be Tings or Lings once married, and therefore left off from future chronicles of our family. It is eerie to think of all the women and generations that are not captured because they no longer hold the family name. My mom told me that if I marry someone Chinese I would end up in their family chronicle. Somehow, that doesn't seem satisfying in the sense that my existence had some continuity and connection to my family and culture, but to a culture that doesn't value female existence in families. Eh, no thanks.

- The heat. It was so hot. I don't see how you can survive in Malaysia without having to be zen about the heat. You have to pass out in the afternoons when the sun is working it's hardest to bleach the earth into oblivion. Everything--clothing, plastic buckets, roofs, roads, people--bear some kind signs of being eaten by the sun. Ditto the effects of humidity and rainforest rains. Everyone moves a little slower just to preserve energy, which makes life a slower pace. Even traffic moves languorously. The roads were kinda crazy so I can see you needing to watch out as a pedestrian or cyclist, but in a car you're pretty safe as a defensive driver because everyone drives creepingly slow.

Overall, really an incredibly relaxing trip. I ate a lot and read a lot, which is what I usually do in Malaysia. And actually what I usually do on vacations in general. Give me a library and fruit and I'm all set for weeks. It's funny and discombobulating to be back in Oakland and going back to work like I never left. I might as well have thrown my body through a time warp. But there it is.

Social working

I've had to begin the process of telling my clients that I won't be their social worker anymore. For some clients I'm cheering inside, but for others I am really sad to have to leave them. Probably more sad than they are. I've been in some denial about the whole termination process and I how I feel about saying goodbye to clients, my old position and the work I did, my fabuloso coworkers. I tried to meet one teenage client to tell him I'd be leaving and he took off once he saw me, in some denial about his own impending emancipation. I went to another home visit today and saw a kid and her grandma. Two very fun things that came from it.

1. She wanted to sit up close to me to tell me about a boy she has a crush on in her 5th grade class. Then she told me I smell like peaches.

2. Conversation between her and her grandma.

Kid: Grandma, I have something to tell you.
Grandma: Well, what is it baby? Something bad?
Kid: I had a stomach ache today in school and I felt dizzy. But then I told my teacher and it went away.
Grandma: Oh, that's all. That's normal. I thought you was going to tell me something really bad happened. Did you poop? Did you need to poop?
Kid: No, I pooped before it started hurting.
Grandma: Alright sweety.

Aw, how do you say goodbye to that?

New (mis)adventures

A shrimp and spinach noodle soup I made for myself last night.

---------------

Two weeks ago I attended a yoga class. It was super mini, with only three people attending behind the instructor. The instructor seemed slightly annoyed that so few people attended, but powered on through the class. Well, one of the positions involved lying on your back and holding your feet. Right when I got in the position, I could feel it rumbling within me. Despite some struggles to get some abdominal control going out popped a queef. Boooeee. Of all things. And then we had to roll around in the same position. Again, unsuppressed queefs. And, mind you, we were in a big empty room with our mats all in a cross configuration, up close and personal. It was the first experience of vaginal flatulence in public for me, having long learned to master the muscles that control the other kind of farts. Mortification aside, I now see the benefit of Kegels.

---------------

I went to Oakland's Chinatown to get some dim sum items for a potluck I'm going to shortly today. While walking back home with my bag of goodies, a homeless dude came up to me asking for help getting something to eat. I balanced my umbrella under my chin and started to undo my bright pink plastic bag. The guy got a disgusted look on his face and said, "I don't want your food! I want McDonald's!" and waved me off dismissively. Hey man, if you're really that picky you find someone else. I'll keep my pork buns, thanks.

Life is about to get a little easier

Well, I did it. I got offered the adoptions position. Wow! They liked my interview. Wow. I'm thrilled and totally dazed. I really did not imagine I would get any kind of release from my crazy work until I up and left child welfare or social work altogether. I now have to be open to the idea that I might like and want to stay in my job for a while. Wow. My mind cannot grasp the possibility. It will likely begin in June, same office, different kind of work. And I will likely carry some cases with me, but it will be so different. I even feel a weird sense of guilt that I got out when I did, when so many of my esteemed coworkers are bugging out over their work. But, it is a new opportunity for professional and less-stressful work. I can't even imagine. I get this sense my life is going to change for the better. In a big way.

I met with an admissions person at the school of public policy at Berkeley this morning. I had made the appointment when I was in the throes of despair over my job and thoughts of having to do it for more than another year. It wasn't a completely informative meeting, though to the admission's person's credit, I no longer have much intention of immediately returning to school and wanted more information about the profession or practice of public policy. Anyway, afterward I took a nice stroll on campus and realized something. I think I was depressed throughout my graduate school experience. In visiting my old building and walking along the paths by the Campanile, I can recall being in such misery the whole time I was in school. Scared, unhappy, and unmotivated. Hm, I don't know for sure what that was all about but it was interesting to realize how much happier I am now-a-days than just a year or two ago. Hmm, I think life gets better over time. At least that is my mantra at the moment, and I'm sticking with it. And also not in any hurry to go back, to graduate school or extreme unhappiness.

Onward single soooooldier...

Yeah, still can't bring myself to do online dating. It's ok though. I have much enjoyed being single, a.k.a. the period I can refer to as my whole life, so really I don't have much adjustment to make to anything different. And I am not, in fact, depressed like poor Boba Fett over there. I just thought it was a super cute picture that I wanted to share. But no, I don't need to hide behind a helmet or escape from life with a jet pack. But I don't then have anything of super excitement to report. I did an interview for a competitive position in adoptions. I hope I get it and achieve some escape from my current position, which haunts my dreams and weakens my immune system. Ugh, I've gotten sick again for like the third time in the past year. What is going on with my body? I have to get well before May when I've got two vacations coming up. Woohoo! I'll be heading to Washington DC for a cousin's wedding and to a see a friend. Then on to Malaysia with my mommy and older sister. That, I am looking forward to very very much so. Good curry! Market shopping! Fresh pineapples! Lat comics! Spicy noodles! Shaved ice! Sugar cane juice! Stir fried fern leaves! It's all about the food. Just keep my body together to look good for the wedding, then get ready to expand like crazy with some good and spicy Malaysian cuisine. Excellent. Hmm, I'm sure pigging out will attract plenty of suitors too. Mmm, greasy lips.

yi, er, san!

It's time to jump in and try things. For the most part things are going well in my life, save any progress in my love life. So, I think it is time to scuff up my boots and get busy. I just talked with a friend about trying this online dating thing. It might be fun for some practice and nice dinners, with hopefully some tolerable company. Anyway, that is the mini plan. I got a hair cut today too, to shake things ups with something new. I think I ended up with a Chinese diver look. Maybe it is sign that it is time to fly off the platform. Ike ike go go!

Do they give out stamp cards for birthdays?

I don't know what it is about February, but I spent this weekend at 4 different birthday parties. I bought so many cards at Papyrus that they gave me a stamp card. When is the next wave, April? I should get a card for myself. Maybe a really cheesy Valentine's Day card. As it happens, I will have a valentine this year! Someone whose kinda shy and has long auburn hair. This would be my friend's cat, for whom I will be cat-sitting over the coming weekend. But we will have a blast and cuddle and while discussing out long-term goals decide that we really do have common values and the foundation for a life together. More likely she will just pump some extra treats out me. Still, aren't holidays and celebrations grand?

(Sorry, I know that picture is just gigantic but I don't know how to resize it. It is so funny though...)

Need more...socks

I felt inspired by Aline Kominsky Cumb's autobiographic comic tome Need More Love to embrace my own curvaceous, trunk legs. Style is how you dress your own beauty anyway. These socks are so warm too! When are the days going to warm up already?

Fungus grows on fungus?!!

I remembered too late, apparently, that I had some produce that needed cooking. I though mushrooms were already fungus. What is with the white fuzzy?

Out of the frying pan and into...

I was thinking that I it might be nice to do a little review of the last year, make some markers of growth along the door frame, etc. (All this while still recovering from a pernicious cold I picked up in the subtropics of Houston. The humidity breeds more than mosquitoes, of that I am certain!) Though I must say I had a nice time in Houston seeing my family, which is a huge accomplishment in and of itself! Much less anger and bitterness, though still some lingering frustration with things that I cannot change about home, but hey, marking growth here. Ok, on to the real list.

-- Survived a year of work in child welfare! Huge accomplishment. I actually reached a level of competence where I am not constantly discouraged by what I can't do and am slowing racking up a sense of the things I can do. And with a job that is this crazy, I have to congratulate myself. Of course I haven't check my messages after being off for 2 week. Seriously, I hope all my kids are still alive.

-- Started working out at the gym. Something I never thought I would do. And it actually paid of in me feeling more confident in my appearance and how beautiful I am. Huge for a self deprecating Asian girl! Not that I have necessarily developed any real strength yet, but we're working on that too.

-- Pushed myself to try new things. Tried meditation. Tried oil painting. Tried to improve my Spanish. Tried a book group. Tried dating a bit more actively. We're not counting success right, but effort? I think I'm definitely making strides in getting out into the world. The only way to find winners to stick with is to juggle through some possibilities, and I did a lot more of that this year. And it wasn't all entirely painful. Nice!

Ok, so here is where I think about what I might like to try for the rest of the 2009. So you, my three faithful readers, can prod me along or tease me merciless if you catch me slacking. Um, be gentle, but firm. So let's see...

-- Make some clear career decisions. It's hard to gauge what I want to do with child welfare when the work itself is just a Jabba the Hut that I am trying to get my arms around, but I think this year will put me in a better place to examine what I do, how I do it, and if I would be truly happier doing something else. Ooo, and I guess I would also need to look at what job prospects are even out there. Dude, the economy sucks right now!

-- Do more writing. I think I'm fairly certain now that I process the world through words. And creatively writing is what I like and really gets me excited. And scares the crap out of me. But I really want to get writing into my life in a substantive way. And I have this idea for a kids book...

-- Moisturize. Ok, so that may sound trivial, or obvious, but I don't usually do anything about my face. But I went with a friend for chinatown-spa-day-facial-female-bonding and the lady giving me the facial was like freaked about my skin. She said, "Ni de pi fu hen gan! Dehydrated!" and proceeded to give me many samples of skin products. Hm, maybe not a subtle hint. So if I want to keep getting compliments about my nineteen year-old-looks I guess I need to take care of the skin on my poor beleaguered face. Yeah, the Asianness will preserve me for only so long. Damn it.

-- Take a kickass international trip! Beijing and Xian were super fun this year and I would like to repeat the experience of getting out and seeing things. Spend some of that money I'm earning on myself. And not on my retirement! (Ok, enough of that.)

-- Enjoy life and quit stressing out so much. At least for a year. I would like to really work on not worrying about whether I am going to stay in the Bay Area or not or stay in social work or not or need to figure out a permanent residence. I mean, not more than necessary. It will all probably become really clear after some time and it won't be a matter of making a decision but following the Dao, that not being the path of least resistance necessarily. Ok, this goal isn't making much sense. So this one will play out or not. Amend as needed.

Ah, the halcyon days of...winter?

Ah, zipping through the last of this Thanksgiving day-off-a-thon. It has been a like a nice, long, meditative breath before heading back into the harried responsibilities of work.

Work has been something of a grind stone the last few weeks, and has clarified something for me: I can't continue to do child welfare. And I'm not even sure how I feel about social work, though that thought is totally confounded by my frustration with child welfare. I let the fear and worry over the decisions I have to make in my job tear at me in a way that is not healthy. The responsibilities become enormous to me and the natural mistakes that I make seem so life-altering. Any "successful" reunification of child with family is troubled by the continuing dynamics of that family and the destructiveness that may very well persist and harm kids in their future. I remind myself now that my job is child safety, not the creation of perfect families or homes. But the knowledge of so much suffering is hard for me to bear. I can't watch movies at all where kids are in any way harmed. I feel sick knowing that these terrible things are happening to kids. And already happened to my own kids at work. I can't even imagine having my own kids anymore, knowing the things that could happen to these beings that don't even exist! Phew, let me take a breath. I have six more months to complete at my job, and then I can begin really taking stock of my options. I guess I can do that now, really, but I fear that I won't find what I'm looking for elsewhere either. Hm, enough of the burden that cannot be unburdened.

Let's remember these strangely warm days of winter. I spent a few days in Tahoe enjoying Thanksgiving with a friend's family. My friend's family is big, black, and kind. They made me feel so welcome when I missed spending the time with my own family--and the food was off the hook! I don't think I've ever had ham that tasted so good. And the mac and cheese was like heaven in a pyrex dish. We stayed in a rented house owned by a Japanese family. They have a bulletin board with pics of the generations of smiling, brown-haired hapa kids. It was fun to spend the time with a family with kids too, to walk to the beach with the kids and take turns throwing pine cones in the lake. The weather was odd. No snow to experience except by sight up in the trees of the mountains. It was frosty in the mornings, getting into a car and waiting for the windshield to scrape clear, that kind of cold. But sunny as anything. Ooo, I did see a coyote. At least that is what I think it was, though from far away it may have been a tan colored branch. The house overlooked a meadow that was framed in the distance by a line of trees, mountains, and very blue skies. I can see why people come here and keep vacation homes and go to the trouble of driving the maybe 4 hours it takes to get there throughout the year, though everyone was tittering about how the economy might affect the business of leisure activities like skiing and gambling in Tahoe.

The past couple days back in Oakland have been lovely as well. I've been enjoying the sun and warmth (this is winter?) and taking walks around the lake. Yesterday I also enjoyed playing with a friend's five-year-old daughter by lake. Kids are amazing. Everything for her was terribly exciting and funny. She liked spinning in circles and playing tag and wending her way through a series of dirt mounds that make a kind of maze, as she called it, by the lake. It was the perfect way to spend a day at the lake, having just perused the farmer's market.

I've been consuming books like candy these past few days too. Ooo, that reminds me I need to return one to the library today before it becomes overdue. Maybe I can get in a little kite flying today as well and call it a perfect weekend.

Circumference = fresh pumpkin and mooshy crust

I just made this pumpkin pie from scratch for a family meeting I'm having for work. I hope it comes out tasting good. Mmm, I miss not being with my family for Thanksgiving, but in the meantime I acknowledge that I am also part of an extension of many families. So here is to sharing that!

Blame it on the rain...

Gah, I was supposed to be at a meeting at a school in San Francisco today. It's rainy, it's San Francisco with its confusing confusing streets...I was an hour late! Damn. I retraced paths all over the place and got stuck behind people driving super slowly in the rain and then got caught in a bottleneck by some road construction. Oi. And the more late I was the more anxious and the more I was second guessing where I was going and missing turns. Man, I was so close to just putting the car in park and running into the school to get to the meeting. Which in the end was rescheduled anyway because everyone ran out of time to make any kind of conclusion. Which worked out for everyone. I think; I hope. And I don't think my lateness made a difference. I think; I hope. And on to the next day of work...

Go VOTE!!!

You know, I got this really cool Obama shirt that has his face like printed in gold foil, see above. I wore it to a street fair in Berkeley and was trying on shirts over it. I was a bit worried about how thin a shirt was because Obama's golden, pensive face was very clearly visible underneath. The clothing stand lady was like, oh, it's not so see-through if you don't have another shirt under it. I said, it's alright, it's just all that irrepressible hope shining through.

March of the Aunties!

Mist eats the Golden Gate Bridge

Omg, sunshine! In Muir Woods

Only you can prevent...environmental degradation that will wipe out of national forests and wildlife.

Mist eats Sausalito!

Aw, shops so cute I could eat them up like a cupcake.

Ah, this weekend was spent in the company of indomitable aunties! One from Australia and another two from Malaysia are currently touring America, visiting relative scattered all over. This was their first stop on their tour of relatives. My cousin and I took them sightseeing to Fisherman's Wharf (again, I can't seem to get away from that place!), Chinatown, the Golden Gare Bridge, Muir Woods, and Sausalito. We only went places where you can prove you went through the purchase of t-shirts, keychains, shot glasses, or snow globes. But it was actually kinda nice and it was really nice just shuttling around the aunties, some very spirited ladies that remind me of my mummy, and then some. Don't you love fighting your relatives to pay the check at restaurants? No shouting, no scuffle, no face!

Squirtle!

I got this bread cutie at Fisherman's Wharf yesterday. My work unit had an off-site meeting, where we caught the ferry at Jack London Square to the pier at Fisherman's Wharf in San Francisco. I was reluctant to go at first--as going to FW twice in a year is really enough for one lifetime--but I was pleasantly surprised! It was actually warm and sunny, which was never the case in previous visits. In the past it was gray, cold, wet, smelly, and crowded. It was still crowded, but otherwise nice to be out and not in an office. And the shrimp at Bubba Gump Shrimp was really quite nice. I'm not sure I came away with hugely renewed energy for work, but maybe a nice respite and a carbo cutie. You are so cute I could eat you!

the grip!

so i'm home with body aches and chills. i desperately hope it is not the flu but the symptoms are not so promising. just when i got a notice in the mail about free flu shots... my sense of smell seems dulled to everything smelling metallic. is that a symptom of the flu too?

in other news, my peeping neighbor moved out this past weekend. I went to a meditation retreat on sunday where we talked about compassion and when I reflected on everything i still had a hard time with showing this guy any compassion. boo. i hope this brief episode in my life is over. the guy did only move to the next street over. and with no more supervision it sounds like than he had here. hmm, his new neighbors won't know what they're getting...

oi, back to wild. fevered dreams.