me, anew

I've been feeling listless for, oh, maybe the last two years.  I got a new job that was less stressful but it quickly turned into having not enough to do.  And I think sometimes boredom is more dangerous than stress.  I started to feel like I had lost purpose as a social worker.  I became angry and frustrated at my job and my agency.  I blamed myself for being lulled into despondency.  I started to think that maybe I didn't deserve more, that I was ungrateful for not appreciating my good fortune to have a job.  I became apathetic about social ills.  There are so many and I can't do anything about it, mostly because I wasn't doing anything in my job to address them.  And I doubted the point of social work and tried in vain to remember why I had chosen this field.  I fished around for other jobs.  I even considered PeaceCorps.  I tried to buy a condo.  I couldn't find any meaning in life anymore, because I was not fulfilling my purpose through my work. 

Well.  A transfer request I had made a year ago was granted today.  I will be starting a new position within my same agency: working with meatier issues (yes!) and kids in foster care (yes!) and also expanding into working mobily from home (yes! yes!).  Just when I was giving up that life can be passionate and interesting.  Woohoo!  Back into the fray!