this emotional life

I'm so wiped out after today.  This whole week really, but this day especially.  Today at lunch time I helped with a memorial at work for one of my coworkers that just passed away.  She passed away in April and there had not yet been any kind of ceremony for her.  I hadn't really grieved her passing.  I just pushed on with everything I had to do.  I'm not really much of a crier to begin with, and I hadn't cried for her yet.  So, I cried...at work of all places.  It was great to hear how much she meant to so many people.  And just to learn more about what a cool person she was.  I want to grow up to be as tough, kind, and spunky as she was.

After that I rushed off to visit a kid on my caseload.  I've been working hard for months to rally extended family members for placement for her.  It was decided this week that she will likely have to move to a foster home.  I feel devastated for her and for what I could not prevent from happening.  She doesn't even know this is coming.  All I did was play with her outside.  We had a lovely time.

At the end of the day I went to grab some pizza slices from a local bakery.  I needed an instant dinner for my insides that were all twisted out of shape.  As I stuffed my face sitting at the outdoor bistro table, a really young boy came up to sit with me.  He had the smallest little face with the biggest eyes.  His mother came to usher him into the bakery and then I recognized her.  And then I recognized him.  I had helped his two moms adopt him back when I worked in adoptions.  His other mom eventually came up with his stroller.  He looked amazing, this little boy.  I don't know if his moms remember me, but I can't identify them or myself unless they recognize me first.  It made me happy to see them.  A gorgeous family, with their wonderful little boy.  I felt a little sad too, that I only got to be a part of their lives for a very short time, but it helped make something beutiful.

I guess that is what social work is, being a part of people's lives only for the window that they need you.  Even in life, we don't get to keep our loved ones forever, just for the short window of time that we need them.  I love you, Patricia, wherever you are.