mini fridge mini fridge

Much discouraged by the prospect of working in child welfare. Feel trapped doing something that I am worried I will not like. That I am feeling as if it doesn't matter if I like it because I will be doing it anyway. Rrr. Discouraged and ambivalent.

But strengths, right? I won a mini fridge in a sweepstakes drawing with Bank of America. It is white and random but I won it and now it sits in its box in my living room. Not sure what I'll do with it. Keep drinks by my desk? Very random.

Wochenende!

Weekends are of absolute necessity. I feel rejuvenated and prepared for the coming week. Why you ask? Well let's see:

- Returned and bought shoes. Also a semi-court-worthy looking bag that looks like my mom's purse. Need to curb impulse to buy things in the name of internship, though professional clothing is of necessity. (Yes, lacking nothing else worth posting, I have posted a pic of my purchases.)
- Went to be a subject in a psych experiement. More like pre-experiment that was just to train a girl to be familiar with how to use an electrode cap and use the brain reading software. Wore a swim cap thing with 64 electrodes attached. Had electrode gel squirted into my hair to increase conductivity. Cap harnessed to my chest with a rainbow elastic band. I looked like something out of Napoleon Dynamite. Got to see ranbow lines of my brain waves. Peaked when I blinked and whenever I looked over at my co-subject. Then experimenter washed my hair in a salon sink they have in the lab. Random! Earned $30. Random!
- Went to Hawaiian Film festival in South San Fran. Hawaiian cultural center in a quaint neighborhood of crowded houses. Sawone film about Puana Leo, movement in Hawai'i to provide immersion school in Hawaiian to kids from preschool through high school. Also saw film on attempts of local Hawaiians to reclaim their streams, long diverted by American plantation owners to grow sugar cane. To grow taro and bring back local fish. To eat traditional foods once again. Also had a spam sushi thing that was actually pretty good.
- Cooked spaghetti squash. Turned out nice too!
- Attended softball practice. Still can't catch a thing - more often that I accidently bonk the ball on myself - but am ok at bat.
- Cooked dumplings for a class potluck. And even made the dipping sauce. Ha, no sodas and forks for me.

Ok, so nothing profound in this post. Just recalling events that made me happy. Because every moment in between those activities was spent in reading. reading, reading. Which is now what I must get back to in a vain attempt to finish it all. Ah weekends!

Do you know where your children are?

So, have just completed my first week of interning with a California county's child preotective services. Phew. Many mixed emotions. Fear, being one of them. Petrification. Is that a word? Hearing stories about child abuse, and especially sexual abuse, disgust and terrify me. Hmm. And then there is the dread of the bureaucracy. Supervisor upon superviror. Diplomacy in who you approach and how you talk to them. Discretion. What about competence? How the hell do I learn how to make correct judgments in children's best interests? My god, what responsibility! And court! Testifying before belligerent lawyers. Eeep!

That's the general malaise that clouds my mind thus far. Splendid, I know.

Ah, I have also started up with our intramural Social Welfare softball team, Social Workers Gone Wild. And though I have always thought of myself as the opposite of an athlete, I must say that I love playing softball. Who knew that catching balls and hitting them could be so much fun. Having never played in my life I am pretty much the worst player on our team, but we have such a great time it doesn't matter. We were tossing balls around and ended up playing a pickup game with the IM umpires. Networking good relations, right? Fantastic fun. I went out and bought a glove and baseball shirt tonight. Woohoo! Oh, and the title of this post is what the team captain suggested we stick on our shirts. heeeee.
-------------------------
In light of everything, my goal for this semester is self care. I need to take care of my psychic health. Therefore...apartment, yoga, softball, opera (watching, not singing), good food, positive socializing. Live life, right? And live it well.

Ikea kicks back

Because I will spending the next three days sequestered in my apartment studying. Because I'm not sure how I will survive another twenty articles of reading. Because I was feeling really boring having not even changed out of my pajamas. Here's a look at what my living room looks like. Still a little bare, but not barenaked like it was a few days ago. Last Saturday it pretty much came into existance as we secured all that furniture off craigslist and friends with the time limited use of a friend's truck. I think the look is a bit "contemporary" but what can you do when your budget is more like used Ikea than catalogue Pottery Barn. Nevertheless, I really like it. My course packets are already shrewn all over the couch. (That couch, by the way, was a hell monkey to get up two flights of stairs. It acquired stains, rips, and blood streaks on the trek up. It's not going anywhere soon. Don't worry, the blood's all cleaned off.)

berkeley resumes

Ah, the first week of school is now drawing to a close and I am still in shock that I have to carry a backpack -- well, full of books -- and a calendar. And wear a watch that I have to consult multiple times and with great feelings of anxiety and necessity. Ah, school. I'm taking four classes, plus yoga. I've decided that this semester needs to be defined by self care. Only taking on what I know I can handle, and handle competently and well. I dropped a thrillingly interesting graduate course in the School of Education because I know I would not be able to keep up with all the energy and intellectual fervor that such a class demands. County child welfare looms in my near future and deserves my fullest stretches of attention, psychic and emotional. I can do this. I will be a good CPS worker. A damn good one. I just need to take care of myself along the way.

Otherwise, life has been a lot of shopping for my apartment. I forget how much goes into furnishing and outfitting a home when you start from zero. Looks like the kitchen is done; cooking has been such a pleasure. Living room still needs a couch and coffee table to make it a nice shared living space. So far my roommate and I pretty much hang out in our respective rooms if we are not both in the kitchen and it would be nice to not have to hide out like that. And to be able to have ppl over to watch movies and potlocks... Ambitious socializing ideas. May not materialize. We shall see how I manage to balance school and life.