Selamat Datang! Welcome to Malaysia

a pretty pond in the part o commemorate Chinese settlers on Sibu

ooo, I want to be "Junaidi Man Apin igat Mit"

graves of the original Chinese settlers

my uncle's library, from where i got books to read my whole trip

ah, the best of desserts

rocky. bumpy path

Bye bye!

Civic center, home to the history of Sibu settlement

Hornbill at grandma's house

Ah, the Rajang River, nicely browned with the topsoil of the rainforest being rapidly deforested for some fat cats. Nice.

the Chinese pagoda

Ananas!

Our megaplane home for way too many days. No more planes for a year please...

fresh fish market, shrimpies!

gosh, i can't find anything to eat in Malaysia...

Adios, Malaysia!

It's been about two weeks since I've been back from my trip to Malaysia, but I feel like even a perfunctory posting is in order. Let's see...I'll have to peruse my trip journal, which I was less than assiduous about keeping. It seems I don't muster the same intense frustration with life than I did when I was younger that hungered for any outlet. Or at least the frustration is different, and maybe less intense.

Ah, so the following things I had to stretch myself to be zen about:
- Taking care of my older sister. I stayed in a room with her and took over responsibilities of bathing her and getting her ready for bed, encouraging her to do things. I stressed myself out over her, more than anything. Still working on a balance of guilt over not being around much and difficulty communicating. And the frustration I feel that there are certain things she will not be able to learn how to do or say independently, and understanding what she is capable of cognitively and developmentally. And the weird projection that makes me wonder if I am capable of parenting a child--for which, I'm thankful to all my friends who remind me that being a parent and being a sister are two very different things.

- Realizing that I chose to enter on a family vacation, not an adventure travel tour. I tend to get frustrated when I'm on trips with my family because they are not into sightseeing. But I had to step back a bit and appreciate the trip for what it was, a trip home to see family and reconnect with the people who make me who I am. Once I wrapped my head around the fact that we weren't going to see orangutans or rain forests, I started to enjoy seeing my grandmother, uncles, aunts, and cousins. And still my mom tells me little bits and stories about our family history from our family history book. What strikes me, though, is that our family history--both my mom and dad's families--will not keep records of my generation or after because my sisters and I are all girls. We will neither be Tings or Lings once married, and therefore left off from future chronicles of our family. It is eerie to think of all the women and generations that are not captured because they no longer hold the family name. My mom told me that if I marry someone Chinese I would end up in their family chronicle. Somehow, that doesn't seem satisfying in the sense that my existence had some continuity and connection to my family and culture, but to a culture that doesn't value female existence in families. Eh, no thanks.

- The heat. It was so hot. I don't see how you can survive in Malaysia without having to be zen about the heat. You have to pass out in the afternoons when the sun is working it's hardest to bleach the earth into oblivion. Everything--clothing, plastic buckets, roofs, roads, people--bear some kind signs of being eaten by the sun. Ditto the effects of humidity and rainforest rains. Everyone moves a little slower just to preserve energy, which makes life a slower pace. Even traffic moves languorously. The roads were kinda crazy so I can see you needing to watch out as a pedestrian or cyclist, but in a car you're pretty safe as a defensive driver because everyone drives creepingly slow.

Overall, really an incredibly relaxing trip. I ate a lot and read a lot, which is what I usually do in Malaysia. And actually what I usually do on vacations in general. Give me a library and fruit and I'm all set for weeks. It's funny and discombobulating to be back in Oakland and going back to work like I never left. I might as well have thrown my body through a time warp. But there it is.